Fiction Mondays: I'm in Love With the Radio On

Remember last week, when I said I wasn't spending enough time with my fiction because of graduate applications and work? Well, I kept thinking about it, and I realized that I didn't have any new ideas for short stories. I had old ideas that never really took off--they're all over my hard drive, a collection of titles that I have to remember what they were supposed to be. But there was nothing rattling around half-formed, waiting for me to put it down on paper. And then, since it's almost Halloween, one of those stories lying dead on my computer suddenly came back to life.

Here is what happened: I was driving yesterday, listening to Bob Dylan's "Theme Time Radio Hour," and the theme was radio. I don't know if you listen to that program, but it's pretty much an hour of Bob Dylan playing whatever he wants, loosely assembled around a theme. The themes can range from gambling to colors to musical instruments. And Bob Dylan has a hell of a record collection. So last night, one of the songs Bob Dylan played was Jonathan Richman's Roadrunner. And I remembered a story idea I had a long time ago, about a radio DJ who hates Led Zeppelin.

It was strange, but while that song was playing, I started imagining a disc jockey starting his set with that--it would be appropriate, wouldn't it? With lyrics like, "I'm in love with the radio," it would be a great anthem to start the set. And I imagined all of the people the song would go out to, the people starting their cars to go to work, the people listening in the kitchen while they're eating their breakfast, the people in the office turning it up (or down) as this new DJ starts his show. And then I started thinking about how that form of DJ is dying out (except on satellite and online), the guy who, as Tom Petty says, "plays whatever he wants to play." Now it's all Clear Channel and preprogrammed stuff. And I'd imagine if you got into radio because you really loved music, that would be a terrible, tragic thing, and you'd be really worried about what your future looks like. So now I'm ready to return to that story, because I think I can now do it right.

I wasn't looking for inspiration (I mean, I was, but not in an active kind of way), but suddenly seeing the story outside of the story, what's at stake, really pushed me to want to write. By not looking for inspiration, but always leaving myself open to it, I've discovered the heart of a story that I thought I'd never touch again.

Friday Films: Now You, Too, Can Ruin Classic Movies

Tired of Directv's stupid ads having the monopoly on ruining classic movie scenes?

Well, have I got a product for you.

Thanks to Yoostar, anyone with $170 dollars to spend on absolutely useless shit can ruin classic scenes from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Sabrina, and the Blues Brothers. Just hook it up, film yourself, and insert yourself into any of these movies (and more!). Just like the directors intended, I'm sure, when they made these films. Haven't you thought, so many times, "Well, Oscar-winner Tom Hanks was pretty good in Forrest Gump, but I could do better"? Now is your chance to prove it.

I actually came across an ad for this product at the Onion, so I really hoped it was a joke. I still really hope it's a joke. I hope it's some elaborate, misguided anti-piracy campaign. Like those commercials you sometimes see before a movie with a cell phone ruining a scene. Anything but this being a real product, aimed at some target audience that ostensibly likes movies (enough to buy a product that will let them be an a movie scene).

My biggest question is this: who the hell is responsible for this? I mean the whole thing, soup-to-nuts. Who is accountable? I want to know who the investors were who thought this was a product the market needs, the studio execs who signed off on the clips...everyone who had a hand in this. I know there's a ton of completely useless garbage out there, but come on...this one does terrible things to movies. Is nothing sacred?*

Now, if you're still holding that $170 dollars, wondering what you can do with it, here's a suggestion: send it to me. Believe me, you'll feel a lot better about feeding a writer for a month than you will about wasting it on Yoostar. And you won't be hurting movies. Hey, you know what? For $170, I'll even quote all of these scenes with you!**



*"Is nothing sacred" is a line from a scene in "Rushmore" that you will be able to insert yourself into using Yoostar. No, I'm just kidding. I think Wes Anderson has more integrity than that.

**Some restrictions may apply.

Musical Wednesdays: New Daniel Johnston!

I don't know how I missed this, but...

New Daniel Johnston!

But that's not all: it's a new, polished and produced Daniel Johnston--an album where the production values match the grandeur in his mind. And speaking of his mind: one of my favorite old Daniel Johnston songs gets a new life on this album--"I Had Lost My Mind"!

I've only heard one track so far, "Freedom," and I'm happy to report that Daniel Johnston doesn't lose any of his best qualities by recording a clean, well-produced album. The song is still catchy, there's still a hint of mania in the voice, and I can't imagine that anything has been autotuned.

Hm, has anyone tried autotuning Daniel Johnston? That would be terrible.

But to return to my previous point: if anything, Daniel Johnston recording an album with an actual producer makes his music sound like it can finally match his ambitions. It's kind of strange to wonder what his earlier albums, recorded on cassette tape, would have sounded like. It's equally strange, given Johnston's life story and subject matter, to see that on the various music blogs reporting the new album, he's regarded as something of an elder statesman in independent music, a singer-songwriter who has passed through shifts in popular taste with his sound mostly unchanged.

Fiction Monday: Application Conundrum

As you may know, I'm currently applying for graduate school. I want to go for my MFA in Creative Writing, but I've noticed something strange about working on applications. I notice it every year, but this year I want to post about it. I was going to feature it as a line graph, but instead I'll just say it:

Between statements of purpose, online applications, and "biographical sketches," my time spent working on actual pieces of fiction has disappeared.

I'm sure this isn't a revelation, but it is frustrating. The way forward, toward a degree in writing fiction, is keeping me from doing any writing.

I think there's only one way to end this post, and here it is:

"There was only one catch and that was Catch-22, which specified that a concern for one's own safety in the face of dangers that were real and immediate was the process of a rational mind. Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to. Yossarian was moved very deeply by the absolute simplicity of this clause of Catch-22 and let out a respectful whistle.
'That's some catch, that catch-22,' he observed.
'It's the best there is,' Doc Daneeka agreed."

Friday Films: Movie Title Screens

I came across this really awesome website yesterday, featuring the title (and sometimes end-title) screen captures of movies from 1920-today. Some of them are just incredible, and are enough to make me want to see the movie. The one above is for an early film noir that I haven't seen, and a quick search tells me it's about a wrongfully-accused man searching for the real murderer. Of course, the classic opening title shots are all accounted for, including Citizen Kane and, well, everything Hitchcock ever made, but it's the ones I've never seen or heard of that are the biggest surprises.

It takes some really nerdy devotion to movies to assemble a collection like this website, and I love it. Title screens are very often the forgotten parts of movies, and it's good to see such a well-designed website attempting to collect and display them.

Musical Wednesdays: Two Sufjans

At the end of the month, Sufjan Stevens will release his latest album, the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway, although "album" might not be the right word for it. It's a multimedia package, incorporating a super-8 video Sufjan shot, as well as his instrumental composition. Now, God knows I love Sufjan--I waited outside, overnight, in February to get tickets to his concert with the National Symphony Orchestra--but the new stuff he's tending to play lately makes me miss the incredible songs of his "Illinois," "Seven Swans," "Avalanche," and "Michigan" albums. So many of the tracks on those albums are insanely beautiful, tragic songs, but a lot of his recent stuff is kind of detached from that. It's...well, "glitchy" sounds wrong, but it does sound less expansive, and more influenced by his early electronic stuff. Which is just not my thing.

But I haven't heard the "Brooklyn-Queens Expressway" yet. I intend to listen to it, to give it as much of a chance as I give everything he does, but this review of the live performance does not make me feel hopeful. I wish the Sufjan of the breathtakingly beautiful "Majesty, Snowbird," a song I only heard once, at that show I waited all night for, would return. That would be something to get excited about.

Fiction Mondays: Assembling My Portfolio

Happy October! The fall means it's time for MFA applications, which means it's portfolio time. I am going through my stories, attempting to figure out which ones convey my skills and my narrative concerns (and strength of plot, character, and dialogue), and will fit into a 25 page limit (the number for about half of my applications, while the other half ask for 30). It's a long and tiring process, but it's still easier than the statement of purpose (maybe it's just me, but I find them really daunting to write).

No Rainy September update this week, because my brain is tired and I got waaay ahead of schedule this week. I'm sure this will correct itself in the very long third section of the book, but for now I'm just going to keep on going. But what's everyone else out there reading? I got my copy of Dave Eggers' "The Wild Things," and I'm really looking forward to diving in. Maybe I'll read it concurrently with "Gravity's Rainbow," so that my brain has a way to rest.

It's going to be a busy fall, but I will try my best to keep up with posting here. The updates might be a little shorter than usual, but will continue to be on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Tune in this Wednesday for a post on the cancellation of the Kanye West/Lady Gaga tour.

No, I'm just kidding. It will probably be an open letter to the Hold Steady to tour the East Coast, or something about Sufjan Stevens' weird Brooklyn-Queens Expressway album.